You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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