im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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