We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
