I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
