Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
