Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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