On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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