Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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