Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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