Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
