dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
