if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
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He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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