this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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