i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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