wakey wakey hands off snakey
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
