WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
