I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
