Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
