I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
