They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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