pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
