She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
