dude i'm inner monologue high
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
