Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
