she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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