This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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