I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
