question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
