I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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