WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
