And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize