i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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