Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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