Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
