At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
