Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
