Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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