Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
