wanna go halves on a baby?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
