he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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