I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
