Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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