Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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