Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
