I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
