went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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