I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
