if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
