i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
