I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She bit a glass in half.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
