Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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