I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
