He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Randomize
