Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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