That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
