Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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