remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
