I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
