Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
