toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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