just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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