do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
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you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
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That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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