apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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