i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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