I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
