I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
