and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
