dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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