omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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