I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
This is not my ceiling
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We were destined to go to rehab together
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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