when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
