i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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