So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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