this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Everclear isn't food dammit
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
