Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
