I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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