I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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