when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Randomize
