she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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