he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
