i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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