ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Still dying that you shit outside
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
