it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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