dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize