i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
