I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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